An ongoing conversation with friend & poet Cecília Erismann, which began shortly after we met in Berlin, in January 2015. 

Yellow tree – Golden writing.


Words written down in those fragment of a monument.

A monument – sacred words…


Words – des mots que je ne comprends pas,

The words – des mots qui me raconte une histoire,

L’histoire occidentale – des mots d'or.


Plus loin – A golden tree.


The natural yellow from the winter


                                Or the fall.


The golden leaves under de sun…


Us


          Silently looking at them,

                         Time passing by...


*


We are just like these leaves,

And this gold,

            and this yellow

                                    and this fragment of words.


We are words – in a golden writing.

In a yellow leaf - a single tree.


Nous sommes la beauté du contraste –

Tout ce que tu vois dans cette ville.

Nous, l’amour… 

Don’t wake me up – Let me stay…

Let me lay down on our memories – on what was left behind,

Our sunny Sundays – you dreaming next to me,

Always morning,

                          Les rayons du soleil à travers notre fenêtre,


Being just love – daydreaming,

What time did not take away – memory,

                      Les souvenirs d’amour sont tellement doux…


Nous, l’amour d’autre fois…

Images and words blowing in my mind – ta presence invisible,

The sun shining in your already-not-there presence,

Not yet being – already gone,

Time passing so slow – overlapping reality,

Where did our time go?


Daydreaming, I watch the time passing by,

Always, un peu plus loin,

In your absence, I let the sun caress my body,

It was you that told me once – tu Te rappelle?

We are words in a golden written –

Tu m’avais dit… Tout ce que tu vois dans cette ville!

Tout ce qu’on voyait dans cette ville– now lies down on a golden box…


Your words running through my body,

You wrote on me your history,

I am now your monument – a fragment,

Don't wake me up –

                            Les mémoires d’amour sont tellement doux…


In that sunny Sunday, do you still remember?

Our bodies lying down on this bed,

The same bed that now I lay down – your invisible presence,

In your absence –

                          Le temps de l’amour s’évanoui…


Blows like the wind,

It passes away,

It passes by.

It passes.

Où… 

Do you still remember?

On that Sunday –

You told me you were leaving,

You were lying,

You were going.


I know I had so much inside of me,

Inside of me: J’ai tout les rêves du monde.

Dans ce coin – tes mots résonnant dans l'invisible,

Le café chaux – the cold outside of our windows…


This time,

I leave your memory – I find some peace in our home,

Je suis toute seule à la maison,

But your invisible presence is still here – your chair.

The memories never die,

They have no time –

                                    no space –

                                            no shape.


They sit with me at this table,

We talk –

                          You leave,

I stay.


Tu m’avait dit – on est l’amour!

Aujourd’hui, this time – I leave it too,

L’amour aujourd’hui – dans ce coin,

C’est n'est que moi.

I am hoping for a bird to sing a new fresh song,

In our untouched memories – It is being so long,

So old – that silent song…


You were my lifesaver,

Recollecting the pieces of my being…


All that you told me once,

De ce que je me rappelle – ce n’est qu’ à moi.

Dans tout ce que tu voyait dans cette ville,

De tout ce que j’ai retenu, ce n’est qu’ à moi.


And it has been so long,

                                       it has been too long…


Ce temps – c’est mon temps.

It is time – ta présence invisible diluée dans le silence...

And I am ready to go,

It is time for me to go,

Home. 

I am going,

I am taking this long green path,

Je sais, il ne faut pas me dire…

Il y avait – oh, how I know! –

Un chemin beaucoup plus court!

But I am still – and always – following my own steps,

The sound on the dry leaves, can you hear it?

It is the sound of my footsteps going almost by themselves,

La liberté d’aller – toujours un plus loin,

Demande un endroit pour retourner,

And for this – for now, Je ne suis pour rien!


There is never an ‘elsewhere’ to go,

Here and now is where and when I am,

Now, I am – I am so free now!

Je suis tellement libre…

Je continue – I am learning how to overcome some fears,

I am overflowing – le moment transborde,

Se transforme – it is now a sweet hug.

Je m’embrasse dans mon silence,

I am going again – to stay it would be insane!

I do not fear that bright foggy light shining over some future near by,

Near by, I feel the presence of another being,

Another being softly arriving… Softly going.

Je sais – just now I know,

Que mon bonheur m’attend,

Dans la même mesure que je l’attends…

Et l’attente n’a jamais été aussi long…


An event just happened!

It brought so much love with it,

Within it – my deepest love I found inside my heart,

But I am still not ready…

I keep on searching – I keep on going,

I have so many questions inside of me,

Inside of me – I have all the dreams and still…

How brave one needs to be to be ready to love oneself!

And I… Who is used to dedicate so much love to someone else!

I embrace my fears – I am welcoming them in my quiet walk.


Can you feel all the love that surrounds me?

Or the big changes in life – dans toutes ses profondeurs,

Sont vraiment invisible aux eyes?

I am following that light I saw when I first loved myself within all my fears,

With my whole being and its fragmentations–

Je suis ouverte – mon vert chemin…

It is all green, and brown, and bright!

I am almost coming out of my mother’s womb.


I already feel some new presence arriving,

Or going,

Or just helping me to see how ready I am –

How stronger I got,

La délicatesse féminine dans un petit instant…

Je laisse mon corps là,

Où le soleil caresse mon être,

And I can find a place to be,

Just be,

Me –

My body,

Home.

Wildly naked –

It is only I under that warm spotlight –

I am amazingly alone, all quite…

I am being more than me – I am entering into a new human,

Artistic adventure in the Himalayas,

Or the Swiss Alps – or….


Full of beauty and still – alone.

What time does not take away – the certainty of the fleeting moments,

I let my body feel comfortably in its new position,

Je laisse mon corps, je me laisse y aller,


Avec ma tête tourné vers le sud,

I take a rest – for the rest of my trip,

Yes, it has been too long – cette nouvelle chanson,

Tu le sais déjà– my first self-portrait was taken on a sunny Sunday,

All made of memories out-of-time

Les fragmentations – une portion d’éternité….


Je m’abstiens, wondering how life has been treating you

After all, dans cette immense traversée – I wonder.

For after all, you are a piece of my past – part of my monument,

T’es une vague à ne jamais oublier,

À ne jamais retourner – I keep on going,

I am always going and coming back from my self –


My mind –

The best decisions – sont toujours ces qu’on prend en silence,

My body –

A quiet temple – un hymne à l'amour

My soul –

A silent song – les beautés de l’amour propre.


It never changes – it changes all,

A soft return – constantly returning,

My questions echoing in the infinity of a single moment,

Dans l’absence – I give and I receive so much love,

Les relations éphémères – sexuality.

What time does not take away – experience.

It feels strange – but it sounds good,

What never ever happened – brief eternities…

I am playing with the in-between times,

I brake through – je découvre un nouvel univers!


I feel so free – ma volatilité qui joue de fleur en fleur,

Tu le sais déjà, I'm constantly on the move.

From life safer to life safer – I build my own moments,

Fragments.


Dans les entre temps – je découvre une délicatesse féminine dans ce petit instant,

Je laisse mon être – mon corps flottant dans l’éternité.

On ne partage jamais notre être – on est l’amour dans sa plenitude.


I revisit our frozen time – our liquid memories,

Tout d’un coup,

My inner child dressed up – covering up the most wonderful woman,

I am slowly being born in a wild night – under no one’s delight,

I am under my own sun.


I am having the courage,

Of closing my eyes and letting life manifest itself through my body,

If one does not have the courage of closing one’s eyes,

And to let life manifest into one’s body –

How could one truly know how beautifully in peace one can be with oneself?


The self is full of mysteries –

The footsteps behind my door are only the sounds of a new dream arriving

Nothing concrete – a concrete fact,

Je me laisse y aller – y aller…

Ce que j’aime, c’est d’y aller,

I am one more woman under the sun –

I am walking on my quiet path.  

I am walking my quite path – after all, what else could I do?

In between so many words, so many images, so many others…

Je trouve toujours l’espaces pour mes erreurs,

In the tortoise repetitions – Je prends souvent le même chemin,

Je cherche a nouveau – the golden words…

What should not be said aloud,

Should never stay in silence neither – the golden writing,

Captured in time – an empty page.

Pas plus – la tranquillité d’une maison cachée dans la fin du monde –

Un amour jouant parmi les arbres,

Parmi mes désires, mes temps, mes expériences flottantes…

During my walk, I found only two certitudes: we were born and we will die –

Dans les entre temps, on y va – d’éternité en éternité,

What time does not take away: the assertion that we never swim twice in the same river…

I would finally love to let it all go – I would finally love à nouveau

I never had a final destination – I am just like a river,

Amongst dreams and desires – il y a des moments où je transborde,

Des moments où je sèche – des moments…

And still –

Nous n’aurions jamais trouvé de vrais désires ou de vrais rêves,

Had we still been based on lack,

A gap – between the leaves, there is now a shy bright light,

Hope – without expectations,

I revisit my memories – I am in peace inside my home,

The fresh words running through my body

I found myself again, at the same place I once had left –

I revisit places I have never been to – I let more and more memories come in,

Il n’y rien de plus beau que la visite inattendue d’un souvenir…

What do I see on those green mountains?

The unpredictable sea – my beloved sea…

The salt water drying over my skin – under my sun,

If you were completely free to go, would you come back to the place you left?

Sometimes it feels like freedom is only there,

Pour ceux que ne la cherche pas… Serenity.

I wish the sun was shinning brighter – now.

I wish my hopes for a better world were fed by reality…

Je rêve les plus beaux rêves du monde!

I am definitely a dreamer,

But my dreams… Je les construis avec mes propres mains!

I never needed any reason to love – I just needed to give myself the time…

Love always happens on-the-way – in freedom.

Love is un-conditional - it comes surrounded by joy,

Dans une portion d’éternité.

Love is the road I choose to take, on a fresh morning,

In the unveiled memories – a quiet encounter,

L’imprévisible autre,

Nous. 

L’imprévisible autre,

Our images (have been) softly reflecting on the salty water


Our reflexes,

reflections,

ideas,

Silences.


Walking in peace,

Avec la tranquillité de ceux qui on trouvé la beauté d’être –


sans rien d’autre,

rien de plus, de moins

ou de peut-être.


Ça peut être…

On peut encore – always ! – être tout ce qu’on veut.

The body breathing,

Listening to someone else’s story…

The golden words echoing in an ancient song I never heard

Until this day.


C’est la fin du chemin –

The fleeting happiness playing on the horizon,

We’re both sitting on slippery rocks,

The sun unveiling the pleasant night,

In silence,


Serene…

La fin d’un chemin,

C’est toujours the opening of a new one,

And even though I am still going on my own way,

This time I know, I am not alone,


J’ai

(dé)couvert

dans le chemin,

d’autre.  

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